Kid Names

So, my coworkers and I were having a discussion about people's names and the trauma they can cause. Most of us survived our childhoods and have chosen an adult name, be it the childhood nickname, or the full spelling. I have always gone by Kristin, so call me that. Except please spell it with TWO Is!!! It's KrisTIN, not KrisTEN. It's also not, Kirsten, Kristina, Christine, or Chrysanthemum.

I went by Krissy when I was younger. Now ONLY my family can get away with that one. It's a term of endearment. My cousin Michael is now Mike, but Mikey to the fam-damily.

So it goes. But I must say - I truly THANK my parents for my name. Because despite the silly mispronunciations and misspellings, there was really barely anything to rhyme Kristin with that would hurt my feelings. Piston... yeah, that's a truck part. I'm not gonna cry over that one. A friend tried to set me up with a Tristan, but I could just imagine the jokes, and I never did go out with him.

My brother Rob, known as Robby to family and to friends when he was little, was cursed with Slobby Robby. I was guilty of calling him that, because I knew it totally pissed him off! My other brother, John... I'm sure a lot of things rhyme with it, but the name connotes the bathroom. That is why Rob and I found it VERY FUNNY INDEED when my parents (after the birdies flew the coop), renovated their house and made John's room into a... you guessed it... JOHN! It was quite lovely, but John was none too pleased.

Parents can be so cruel (or just damn stupid) when they name their kids. I went to high school with a girl named Ophelia Rass. Say the name quickly together. Now cringe. Poor girl!!! And I went to grad school with a guy name Peter Seaman. Think about it... yeah. Wow!

My friend Melinda went by Mindy until she'd gotten one too many "Mork and Mindy" jokes and decided to use her full name. I got teased when I went by Krissy because of Chrissy on "Three's Company" - such a ditz. I'm totally dating us here, but whatever! Krissy did lead to some teasing... Pissy Krissy, Kissy Krissy, Sissy Krissy (and the list goes on and on). So I started going by Kristin fairly early in school.

My niece's middle name is Quinn. We had a ball one night coming up with nicknames for her (she was a newborn). She is the Quinn of the world! She's such a drama Quinn! Hopefully her first name won't lead to too much trouble. It's pretty safe. And we won't torment her with her Quinnly middle name.

I just don't understand why, when parents are choosing names, they don't THINK AHEAD! I mean, I guess some of them choose the name on purpose (Hello Peter Seaman), but why would you name your kid something that will undoubtedly lead to teasing and torment. Everyone will get it sometimes, but why encourage it with a terrible name?

I dunno. It's a thinker. Just call me Kristin. Thanks!

Rapture

So, it seems the wackos are predicting the end of days for tomorrow, Saturday, May 21st at 6pm. TOTAL BUMMER! I have a friend visiting from NYC this weekend. It would be scary for her to completely disappear on me. I say she'd disappear on ME, because I know full well, I am not going to be taken. I shall be left behind. I mean, if the rapture is as strict as the foaming-at-their-mouths crazy people say it will be, I'm screwed!

I, for one, have not lead a perfect life. I've lied a few times. I stole red, wax lips from my pediatrician's office when I was three. I've definitely not honored mineth father and mother quite a few times over the years. I haven't killed anybody, but I didn't take care of my hamsters as well as I could have. They probably had shortened lifespans as a result. I've killed fish. I've eaten meat. Does that count? I have most assuredly coveted my neighbors' husbands and boyfriends. I didn't DO anything about it, but I coveted. Oh, and I had sex before marriage, which if I hadn't, would make me a 41-year-old virgin. And that would be just SAD! Yeah, I'm screwed!

I grew up very, VERY Catholic. Catholics don't believe in the Rapture, per se, but, you know... it's a religion. After a rather nasty encounter with my priest (NOT what you're thinking you freakwads!), for which he apologized 12 years later... I left the church and never looked back. I enjoy my Sunday mornings to myself. And while my spiritual beliefs allow me to think I can talk to God any time, anywhere, about anything... there are those who would have you believe you HAVE to be "saved" and go to church and tithe and shit. I give of my time and energy to charities I believe in, but I don't have the moolah to tithe 10%. So, I guess... I'm screwed!

Me thinkest that on Sunday, there will be some very shocked and unhappy extremists wandering around. The best line I've read all day is from a friend who suggested leaving random piles of clothes all over town. Bwah hah haaaaah!!! Classic! But if I'm wrong, of course, I'm screwed.

Honestly, I don't think many of my friends and family members will be saved either. They are all way too much fun. Perhaps a couple of Facebook friends will disappear, and yeah, I'll miss them. But for the most part, I think my circle of support and love will stay intact. We're all sinners, every last one of us, so... we're ALL screwed.

So, if you, my friends, are raptured... Goodbye! Safe travels! Don't forget about me! And for those of you stuck on earth with me, we screwed ones will just have to make the best of it. PARTY ON DUDES!!!!