Rapture

So, it seems the wackos are predicting the end of days for tomorrow, Saturday, May 21st at 6pm. TOTAL BUMMER! I have a friend visiting from NYC this weekend. It would be scary for her to completely disappear on me. I say she'd disappear on ME, because I know full well, I am not going to be taken. I shall be left behind. I mean, if the rapture is as strict as the foaming-at-their-mouths crazy people say it will be, I'm screwed!

I, for one, have not lead a perfect life. I've lied a few times. I stole red, wax lips from my pediatrician's office when I was three. I've definitely not honored mineth father and mother quite a few times over the years. I haven't killed anybody, but I didn't take care of my hamsters as well as I could have. They probably had shortened lifespans as a result. I've killed fish. I've eaten meat. Does that count? I have most assuredly coveted my neighbors' husbands and boyfriends. I didn't DO anything about it, but I coveted. Oh, and I had sex before marriage, which if I hadn't, would make me a 41-year-old virgin. And that would be just SAD! Yeah, I'm screwed!

I grew up very, VERY Catholic. Catholics don't believe in the Rapture, per se, but, you know... it's a religion. After a rather nasty encounter with my priest (NOT what you're thinking you freakwads!), for which he apologized 12 years later... I left the church and never looked back. I enjoy my Sunday mornings to myself. And while my spiritual beliefs allow me to think I can talk to God any time, anywhere, about anything... there are those who would have you believe you HAVE to be "saved" and go to church and tithe and shit. I give of my time and energy to charities I believe in, but I don't have the moolah to tithe 10%. So, I guess... I'm screwed!

Me thinkest that on Sunday, there will be some very shocked and unhappy extremists wandering around. The best line I've read all day is from a friend who suggested leaving random piles of clothes all over town. Bwah hah haaaaah!!! Classic! But if I'm wrong, of course, I'm screwed.

Honestly, I don't think many of my friends and family members will be saved either. They are all way too much fun. Perhaps a couple of Facebook friends will disappear, and yeah, I'll miss them. But for the most part, I think my circle of support and love will stay intact. We're all sinners, every last one of us, so... we're ALL screwed.

So, if you, my friends, are raptured... Goodbye! Safe travels! Don't forget about me! And for those of you stuck on earth with me, we screwed ones will just have to make the best of it. PARTY ON DUDES!!!!