So, I ran an errand to a Super Target (humongous) yesterday. It's been a long few weeks and I wanted to get home so badly to start my relaxing weekend. But I needed a couple of things, so I stopped. I wanted to run in, run out, get home and in my pjs and reeeeeeee-lax!
When I came out to my car, there was an elderly woman sitting the passenger seat in the car next to mine, and she had the door propped open. So I waited a second to see if she'd close it before walking up and asking her to close it, so that I could get into my own car. She *grabbed* my hand (so hard, she actually bent my Claddagh ring significantly - and made me think of my Nana, who always did that! LOL) and told me that her friend, Don, had gone into the store TWO HOURS earlier and she was worried about him. He'd gone in just to pick up some cat food, so two hours was way too long.
I was so tired, my friends. So tired. But of course, I went back into the store, wandered around, trying to find the right person to help me (yeah, Customer Service was Ru-hoo-hood!). Finally found a manager with a kind heart, who called for Don over the loud speaker. I had very little to go on, not actually *knowing* Don and all. No clue what he looked like. Didn't know his last name. So, the manager called for "Don who came in for cat food and has a friend waiting in his car" - ADORABLE!
Meanwhile, I'm watching the exit (one of many, of course) to see if I can spot a (maybe) elderly man who has cat food and looks like he’s two hours late. And I spotted a candidate. So I went over and asked him if his name was Don. He was stone deaf. I mean, seriously.
I say, “Is your name Don?”
“Oh, I’m fine!”
“SIR! IS YOUR NAME DON??”
“No I’m not Tom.”
“DON! IS YOUR NAME **DON**????”
“Oh everything's fine. I found what I needed. I’m heading home.”
I got in front of him so I was facing him. “DON???!!!???”
“OH! Yes! I’m Don!”
Thank God. Now what? “YOUR FRIEND, FLORENCE, IS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” I won’t detail the back and forth on this sentence and the few that followed, but I eventually got the message across and offered to carry his bags to his car. He did manage to ask me if I was single, bless his lil heart. We put his bags in his trunk (I was grateful to see he’d actually bought cat food!) and I went to tell Florence he was there.
She grabbed my hand again (ouch) and thanked me profusely! I asked if Don was her husband and she says to me… She says, “Oh no dear! We just have sex!”
I. Shit. You. Not.
My face must have been priceless, because she elaborated, “Well you know sweetheart, I’m 96 years old! I’m not messing around with any relationship stuff. I did that for years! Men are difficult! But so is sex without one!” My jaw dropped and I just laughed. She said, “You’ll see! You’ll see what I mean! I just keep looking for nice young (!!) men to keep me company (WINK). But I don’t need a husband to tell ME what to do!!!”
I said, “It must be kind of hard. He doesn’t hear very well.”
And she said, “Who cares? His thingie works!”
*drops mic*
